I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
