he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
