Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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