You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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