1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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