I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize