He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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