...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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