As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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