Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
