WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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