So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
