I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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