I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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