he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
