I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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