We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
