Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He passed out mid-signature
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
