There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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