addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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