This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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