Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
