dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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