Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
