are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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