grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
