I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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