He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
