Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't turn off my feet"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
