I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
