Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
