a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
