I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
