You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
