i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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