meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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