I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
