if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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