K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
