I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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