im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
