Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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