I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This is my gift to your gina
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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