I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
