what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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