Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
