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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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