Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
