so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
