I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
