Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
