I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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