I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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