tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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