the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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