Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
