Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
