Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
