On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
