"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
