Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
