peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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