kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
