Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize