in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize