His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
it was like eating out sand paper
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
