The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You pole danced in your parka.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
