i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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