Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize