I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
