You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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