So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
