i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
