i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
