i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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