no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
