I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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