I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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